The juice is worth the squeeze.

I want to be with you

I really really want to be with you

But I cannot tell that to you

Because I am fine

The last time I felt like this was a very long time ago.

I feel very nostalgic now after viewing some of the farewell old Tampines Secondary School premises videos on youtube. Even though the building itself is still intact(I hope), it won't be there for long.

After spending 5 years in this school which I never thought I would miss so badly after I graduate and looking back, I had my own share of joy and tears. Not so much of the latter but it's something like that.

Gone were the days of waking up at 6.20am every morning and feeling very sleepy at 11am after recess. No more fooling around with my great classmates who have been with me for the past years. The teachers, ah.. Madam Yasmin, Miss Idzhana, Mr Ranjit, Miss Zhou, Miss Ho, Miss Myra Ho, Mr Yeo, Miss Rafidah, Mr Shahril, and even Mr Fathul. Great people, helping students all the time except maybe for Mr Ranjit. My seat in the classroom, the view outside the window, the inexplicable 4E5 classroom atmosphere which all the teachers hate, no more. No longer can Daniel sleep on the same table again like he always does. As much as I miss TPSS, I look forward to Polytechnic life. New people, new things and a brand new environment.

Sorry but..I miss it like fuck.

I miss walking past 3E5 before and after recess or during our 'no government' toilet breaks in between lessons, looking out for Rebecca. Her expression upon seeing me is priceless.

School and Me

If you had a time machine, which year would you travel to and why?
Submitted by Michelle.

Never will I use it if I ever get one of that. You can't change time and life and you can't end your life, it's not right. Live with it!

It was indeed nice to see you again, and happy, with things going on fine for you, except that you'll be leaving for China in a few hours which you didn't really want to. Finally we could talk normally. Terribly sorry for that bad experience due to my resentment against myself. I just popped 2 Clorets mint tablets and I hope I'll be able to write something meaningful here.

The lunch date with you was great. The little things you told me were.. pretty boring. Nevertheless, I enjoyed listening to you telling me about those nitty critty things. You got yourself a pair of new spectacles, they look nice on you. You caught me with dandruff(I didn't even know I had them) Maybe wearing a black t-shirt that day was a mistake.

I know I'm not the first one to notice that you have double eyelids for your left eye and single eyelid for your right one, but it was something major for me. I figured that I wasn't that attentive to you in the past. Looking at you was hard in the past, especially when you're so close. Now that you're distant, I could see more of you. Your little actions; the way you touch your hair, the way you rub your nose, and even the way you cough - I could see all of them now.

I don't know whether to smile because you're a friend, or cry because that's all you can be. You don't know how beautiful you are.

-

I dreamt that I got 14 points for o levels.  

I reminded myself so much to let go of certain things in life and not once I could. Never could. That one thing; it means so much that I cannot not bear to say to you what I really want to say. Often I find myself fighting against myself instead of the feeling. But I cannot help it.

Not like I didn't try to shoo you away by treating you badly, I did,  think I didn't succeed or fail at it. Every time I see your curious and partially sad expression as to why am I like that, my heart hits rock bottom. Guess I didn't just fail, but rather, I failed terribly.

Don't expect you to still want to see or hear from me after today, but it's alright, I had it coming. Sometimes I feel that I'm so stupid to fall into it again and again, sub-consciously opting not to get out of it. Every single thing you do or say is so lovely, even when you touch your hair or rub your eyes. Knew that something bad will happen but I still went on to meet you. I don't even know why.

I'm guessing that last phone call should be able to stop this prolonged feeling I've been experiencing on and off; the feeling that sends me down a pit with no rope; the feeling that makes me lose interest in everything.

Thanks for everything that you've given and took away almost instantly. Good luck with your school work and I really, really hope to be able see you again, and to be able to sleep in peace after it.

  Doctor said I probably have some gastric problems. Prescribed me some pills and a bottle of.. I don't know what it is. Each time I swallow something, my gastric will send 3 pulses of sharp pain :s I took 15 minutes to finish my plate of chap chai peng in school during recess today. Every mouthful of delicious(NOT) chai peng was hell. I moaned, groaned, gek my stomach muscle until I almost got 6 packs. Actually no, I don't have 6.

  Dad bought a er hu from Mr Lim, our fellow classmate. My dad and I didn't attend er hu lessons for 3 weeks. He called the teacher on the 3rd week to tell him that he has been busy with stuff and shits. Teacher asked about my age. Dad told me that most probably he's going to put me with the younger students in another class(I'm with the senior citizens and apparently I'm the youngest in the class, followed by my dad) and being in that class means that I have to take er hu examinations. Noooo, never. The ah peks in my class are too adorable to let go.

And I have no idea how to down my dinner now.

Went for a follow-up at the National Skin Centre this afternoon.

On the two sides of the entrance to the Pharmacy, there are two machines that allows you to scan your appointment card to get your queue number. I scanned, nothing happened. I tried it again and still no avail. Two other random people came, scanned and got their queue numbers. First random person got number 5486, second one got 5487. I scanned again and I got it. 5488 was my queue number.

My father was right beside me this the while and upon seeing my queue number slip, he smiled a little and said to me in Chinese, "When we get home, I'll tell mummy to place a bet on this number. I'll tell her to place a bigger bet."

I gave my father a blank look.

"Mummy's IC number."

"Seriously anything is possible for adults who gamble."

My father and I chuckled and we both went into the Pharmacy to get my medicine.